I want to give you an example. Let’s call him John. Let’s say john is a special character.
He’s short, ugly and speaks broken English. If you see him, you either ignore or feel sorry for him. Except you shouldn’t feel sorry for him, because short, ugly-ass, broken English lulling John is a woman magnet deluxe.
He waddles into a room, like a stoned penguin, oozing an aura so intense your glass starts shaking. Like he’s from another planet. Like he’s a semi-god with coke in his blood. You listen to him, and you hear a lot of rubbish. You tell yourself, this guy doesn’t make any sense. My 82 year old grandmother with her speech impediment makes more sense. But it doesn’t matter. Because John’s busy owning the moment. Getting loony with the ladies, melting them like a flamethrower. Woosh. John is a bonafide womanizer.
It’s surreal. Truth is, John does something which we all should be doing. He’s lying to himself and by the end of this article, I tell you what lie John told himself.
BTW –This is where the real post begins. A lot of folks fail with their creative careers. I always thought they lacked resources, and / or lacked skills, but that’s not really the case. In this age of being online 24/7, learning skills is pretty much free or very cheap and only needs time. No. I believe that most (creative) peeps fail because of negative self-manipulation.
They fail because…they think they lack the qualifications, they think the competition is too hard they think because they failed in the past, they are going to fail in the future they think they don’t deserve it. In short, they miss self-confidence.
CON-FI-DENCE
Well, guess what. You need confidence to be successful. And guess what, confidence, like every other concept created by mankind, is a lie.
It’s all fake. Confidence, low self-esteem, self-worth, blah blah. All concepts we use to navigate within a difficult world. A made up system that we take too seriously. Just think about it. we’re all neither important nor useless. We just are. We’ll come into this world as a meat puppets marching on two legs, and we’re going to leave this world as meat puppets staggering on two legs. Big deal, except it isn’t. Let this sink in. Blast your brain. (LOL) We’re “just” a collection of atoms, arranged in a specific way. It’s all atoms, folks, just atoms.
The only value you give, or take from yourself, comes from your mind. And only from your mind. It’s a human-made lie. Whether you wake up in the morning, and believe you are the grandest human being on the planet, or believe you’re a lowlife that loses out, you lying to yourself in both cases honey. In case you don't understand what I'm saying take a deep breath, go back and read again, if you still don't then you do not belong to the ruling class which this post is made for (hugs)
It’s time to tell yourself a better lie. I think iv built a new mindset, and you can join me. It’s over-the-top, but then again, all great ideas are. This is what I believe now :
If you wake up in the morning, and you don’t believe you can be the greatest human being on the planet, you’re wasting oxygen. Simple! Your only job then is to become your greatest self, the greatest living thing in this galaxy. There's enough space for every single one to be great trust me. Let’s get deeper.
Now that we decided that confidence is just a concept, and that every concept is a lie that we made up anyways, let’s create a concept that helps us thrive as creatives. Which means from now on, we’re going to lie to ourselves in the most positive way possible.
Five ways to lie yourself to confidence
Guess you've heard of incantations?
I use them everyday. They are self-affirmations that you say, or shout, at yourself. ( I learnt this from my pastor actually) We do some affirmations in church every sunday before He gives the message; This is the word of life, I am what it says I am, I have what it says I have nd bla bla...
So Everyday, I get off my bed, jam up my fav music, and shout in front of a mirror or wall :
I’m Ejiro Eteri.
I’m going to rock this day with endless fire inside. I’m awesome, awesome, awesome. I’m the most important person in my life. I'm fabulous! I have the most terrific and hawtest boyfriend.
I am Ejiro.
Or something like that. I’m not saying it, I’m shouting it. My lungs are at maximum capacity. You want some real oomph behind the words, not some mellow mouth farts that dissipate.
Hint : if you crank up the music, you feel less insane screaming at your mirror image.
I can feel it everyday now. When I walk through the streets, I talk to strangers. I talk to sexy hexy guys that would have melted me in the past. No more splosh. (still get nervous, but it’s the good kind. The kind that keeps you alert.) Do that every day, and you re-program your brain. A lie often told becomes the truth for you.
Get rid of people.
(this is not a lie, but an actual action.)
I cut some old friends off Because they are poison to my soul. We shared similar worlds views at some point, but with time, our views drifted away. No probs with that, but when we meet up, and they deconstruct my life style choice. I didn’t need that, so I went into massive proning. Instead, mingle with people who believe the same lies as you. Sometimes in other to embrace your destiny you have to make changes. This may mean that you have to change some friends you spend time with. Maybe they were fine for a season in your life but now you have outgrown them.
Make yourself move.
Now, this I learnt from Tony Robbins (google his talks) and listen to recent studies your body movement influences your confidence. If you’re only massaging your butt muscles, because you’re sitting 24/7 in front of the computer, you can’t develop confidence. You need to move more. In-between my butt sitting sessions, I jump around, I dance, even sing. I do whatever it takes to get my body exercising. The more you move your body, even when talking, the more active you feel, the more confident you feel. If you talk while flailing your arms, because you’re talking about a topic you’re passionate about, you feel like energetic, confident. Go try it.
Curiosity – Getting into the KNOW.
Hardest lesson, but probably the most useful. Perk your ears for this one.
Self-manipulation is powerful, but when it isn’t backed up by actual skill, you’re delusional. (as in you crazy) Baad. Tell yourself the positive lie of getting more curious. I was never really curious, but I made myself become it (well thank God for mentorship). I said – how is Google working ? How I can I become better at talking to guys? Why ? Because curiosity leads to learning more, and learning leads to skill acquisition.
Getting better each and every day, getting into the KNOW. Right now I'm a freaking junkie for knowledge. I read everything readable.
Separate your mind from the body.
Wish I can remember the book I got this from. Sounds meta, but hear me out. It’s a trick, but it does wonders for me. Pretend your character is a soul, and that your body is “just” a vehicle you currently occupy. Like a car you can step in and out. Every slant, rant, curse against you is really just against your mis-use of your vehicle. Your “soul” always stays unaffected, it’s just learning to how ride the damn thing. This mindset helps you become emotionally detached from your daily struggle. You don’t take things as personal, but you’re still passionate about life.
Remember short and ugly John from? He told himself he was a sex bomb walking on two human legs.
For some reason, he really thought he was the shiiiaaat. And guess what? That lie distorted the view about himself, and the world around him, to he's advantage. He oozed confidence, which allowed him to attract ladies. It made him a sexy beast without actually being one.
Remember, confidence, like everything else you will ever come up with, is a lie. A language fabrication made by our ancestors to help them navigate within the world. You’re made of the same stuff as a zit, a river, a meteor burning in the sky. No value, no label. You’re just a collection of atoms. Feed it with the right lies. Tell positive lies about yourself that suit your character creation.
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