Being a child was beautiful. Those were fun times. There were ups and downs but, have no doubt that whenever I look back to how we were, I'd always end up smiling foolishly.
...and this is how we became rat hunters. We were always hungry because the cooks at home made food that tasted like poison. Mum was hardly home to cook. So The food at home was always either too soft (watery) or hard (almost raw) and since we had time, We took the hunting really seriously.
Mum bought a new deep freezer. NEPA kinda knew because that was when they chose to seize power for over a year. We unconsciously turned the freezer into a table, bookshelf and a perfect hide and seek spot. Finally, rats also saw it as a home and built their mansions in it. One could see generations of rats gathered around their tables.
It worked perfectly for us. We fed them our clothes, books and food crumbs. We would go around after mass collecting bulletins to feed our meat-to-be. And every Saturday, we would take a peek at them to see if any was 'ripe' for eating. Whew! It was mighty amazing!
It was one of those long vacations that got the house so full with cousins and family friends. We fed our rats and waited patiently for the holiday to be almost over so we could harvest and have ourselves a feast. That day finally came. As usual, Peace headed the troupe of soldiers. She dished out the rules of engagement - DO NOT KILL THE BABY RATS. YOU GET THE HEAD OF ANY RAT YOU KILL. She said it like a million times so we could understand the importance. She then sent us out to every nook and crany of the house to block all viable rat escape routes. And finally, with so much care, we pushed the deep freezer to the centre of the room then gathered around it with sticks and brooms.
Peace then pulled off the carton that covered the fridge, releasing all the rats in different directions. Gboom! Kom! Daam! Boom!....different sounds as weapons made impact with either the floor or a rat. We also added our own little screams here and there to punctuate our excitement.
....one down... five down... six down...it was a nice hunt. Just when we thought we were done for the day, the biggest of all rats in history sluggishly crawled out of the fridge. Hey! We went after it. But somehow, we all surrounded our victim and chose that tiny split of a minute that it could escape to wonder if our sticks were hard enough to kill it. And just like the Jackie Chan movies, the rat ran towards me. I lifted my stick and hit it over and over again and with every hit, my cousin, Tolu, screamed. She must be really excited, I thought. My other cousins dropped their weapons and rallied around her. I wanted to ask what was going on but the rat was more important to me. Surprisingly, the rat was nowhere to be found.
Hian! Didn't I just pound it severally? I kept wandering the whole place looking for it when Peace, pulled me by the ear towards my cousin. I screamed in pain wondering what I did wrong.
"See! See what you did!", she shouted pointing at Tolu's head
Lo and behold, her head was swollen at several points making her look like a mini dragon. I did that? How?
"Why did you hit her with your stick?", Peace screamed
Me? When? Omg! Was she the rat? My God! I really need to ask mum to get me a new pair of glasses. Poor Tolu. I was sober and sad. Jire then pressed really hard on each of the swells but that didn't help. I sat beside her and said sorry like a million times while the rest cleared the scattered house.
"I must kill the rat that caused all this ", Peace declared. Ghen ghen! She searched everywhere scattering what the rest just arranged. They didn't complain. Afterall, she is the boss and she was on a good cause. I still sat dutifully beside Tolu when Peace came back with the rat. She assured Tolu that she (Tolu) gets to eat the head and tail of the troublesome rat.
We then gathered the rats for cooking. It was a simple process. Roast to remove all the hair, butcher to remove all the intestines, spice and boil to taste and finally, fry! It was better fried with red oil than groundnut oil so as not to loose the traditional feeling (whatever that meant).
Just as we got ready to share and eat our delicacy, our neighbours arrived. Fisayo, pearls and Jemaima. Aha! In the neighborhood where I grew up, there were plenty 'tuush' people We couldn't afford to be called rat eaters so we hid the rats hoping they would leave soon so we could continue with our fun.
"I smell fried goat meat", Fisayo said
Na wa o!
"Me too", me and Jire replied like backup singers .
"We don't have goat meat. It must be the neighbours", Peace replied. "Let's play hide and seek" (all in a bid to distract Fisayo and her siblings). We all, except Fisayo, agreed.
"I still smell goat meat", she said again
We heard you the first time. Mtchew! Can you just leave the goat alone.
She quickly dashed towards the kitchen and before we could stop her, she found the plate of rat meat. She screamed and dropped the plate nearly throwing our hard labour away.
"What is this? Rat? You people eat rat? Hei!!", she screamed and screamed. To rub in her point, she ran outside and spat severally. The entourage (her siblings) joined her. She had this disgusted look on her face that made me think if truly we should eat the rat. When her drama died down, she then decided that we play hide and seek (now she wants to play?).
"Hide", I shouted and everyone ran off to hide. Before I closed my eyes to count to ten, I saw Fisayo run to the kitchen (where would she hide there? Plate, basket?).
"....eight, nine, ten! I am coming!"
I found everyone before I went after Fisayo. Hers was easy cos there was nowhere to hide in the kitchen. As I entered, she was cleaning off something from her mouth. I could have sworn it was red oil but I have a poor eyesight. I can't afford to accuse her unless I was doubly sure. Just as I screamed FOUND YOU, she said they were going and they left.
We finally sat to eat only to find Tolu's trophy gone. All eyes rested on me. I didn't eat it! I didn't eat it! Peace slapped my head severally then handed my share over to Tolu.
"I didn't eat it! I didn't...", I kept saying through tears
"You were the only one that went to the kitchen ", Peace said. I was about to say "Fisayo too" but Jire did. (thank God I wasn't the only one that saw her go into the kitchen) She then called me aside and gave me part of her share. Tolu too gave me out of her's (or mine)
Before our parents came back, we cleaned the house, took our baths and gave Tolu a face cap to wear to cover all the lumps.
Happy new month y'all!
