Grateful Pt2

This isn't one of my humorous stories or random musings but a write up about the angels God used to make sure I survived 2015, cos the year was hard.  This is where I tell my Creator that I'm in awe of His love and blessings. On the first of January 2015, while others were excited about the new year, I was more scared about what direction my life was taking. I can't say all here, in time I'd share but a few know what I'm talking about. There was no mum or siblings to run to if things get crazy. This was just me and I was scared to my bloody intestines.

Family is all I've got. They make me laugh, cry, upset! They laugh at me, make me angry...love me. I've got lovely memories with you which can never be wiped off even in death. Sometimes, I sit alone and laugh at moments we've shared and people wonder if ive gone crazy. Through the hell stress of a day that wind into days, weeks and months, you, my family see me through.

Dr Oghenovo Efekodo (yes you are family), Mum and dad, my younger brother Ovo. could never have passed through 2015 without you all. God couldn't have blessed me more. You are angels.

To My very good friend Dr Ghandi and his beauriful wife and your cute little bundles of joy! Please know that anty loves you with every kiss and smack. Thank you sir for making your home mine and welcoming me when ever the heat at home was unbearable. Thanks for running around in 2015 just to make sure I had my feet back on the ground. God bless you for me.


You, my brother in thy lord and awesomest friend Emeka Ikediashi. we have come a long way haven't we? You're one of a kind. You've been the most reliable. You would heed whenever I call or cry. I do owe alot to you. Ignore me when I act like I don't care. I do care more than you can ever imagine. We laugh at silent jokes, gist silently.... We ve also had our fair share of awkward moments. Your advice, chidding, care, kindness and generousity can never be doubted. Love you to bits!




Who would have thought that last year, a time like this, that I would meet awesome people like you! Jire, you aint forgotten! Sexy! Intelligent! Beautiful! Kind.....ukwu! Sometimes we fight but most times we laugh!
SAU would have been horrible without you! And then peace. Mehn you're the big sister I never had. My soul sisters.



Israel Efosa Harry Ogie, you have a beautiful heart Hun. You know how I feel about you, I guess . But if you don't, here it is! Loving you is easy cos you loved me at my worst. At the beginning of the year when most people judged me, you were among the few that supported me. You told me something I'd never forget. (I know you don't remember) . Jide ka iji! Your path is being moulded! May He show you more love than you ve ever shown me.



Chief! I pray I don't have to do a single week of 2016 without you in it! You are my guardian angel! Don't laugh, darling! If wishes were horses... Thanks for showing me that love could be better. You're patient and kind. I'm here to stay. I hope some day I can write your full name is block letters on my blog. For now we remain discrete *wink*



I love you all awesome family and friends! There's nothing better than finding people who share and understand your madness. I see God in you all and I'm still amazed by His sufficient grace. Eventhough we are all busy with school, work n family, we always make out time to bond. Lets do it again, babies!



You, my readers and followers, are the reason I write. What's the work of a writer without readers. It goes beyond being a good writer. I love you all especially you, Anonymous!  Its a new year, lets make evey second count!

Grateful!

On days like this, I go crazy (in a happy way) no matter how hard I try not to. But this year, I wasn't feeling psyched about celebrating because I feel I'm not nearly were I should be, but thank God I attended a candle/memorial service of a friend we recently lost. She was about same age as myself (God rest her soul). And I'm here, alive, healthy and still freaking beautiful, yet complaining about trivial issues. Thank Jesus for screwing my nut back in. Lol...I'm thankful for the obvious numerous blessings Onyekeruwa bestowed on me and for the things we call small. I'm here because He let me!


Peace, Jire...my little mummys toh badt gaan! I often forget to say thank you. How you guys tolerate me humbles me. I love you both and all what you bring. Please don't shut your wardrobes yet cos I'm running out of shoes and bags.


Mishael...pipe! All I hear is You guys keep deceiving yourselves. Whenever  I say I hung out with Michael, people often ask "How do you hang out with your boyfriend and he equally brings girls along and you don't care? You are too liberal...you are such a white woman! Lol! People don't know.This is my man! Always reminding me to relax and catch my breath.


I'm thankful for those favours we call small -  for finding a toilet when I have runny stomach, for making my smile wider to people who call me from a distance though I cant see them, for my free ride, for peeing on the road and not dying of curses, for bouncing back without a after being robbed, for days I live without accidents, for falling off a bike and not breaking a bone - Chukwu obioma, you see me!


To the handsome man in my life Ovo Onyinye Eteri (I know y'all were expecting my boyfriends name, you go old!) you've always made sense I've loved you yesterday, I love you today, when tomorrow comes, I'd definitely say same! Like I always say, it's me and you against the world. I'm so proud to have a younger sibling like you.


To my very own Dr Ovo Efekodo. Thanks for always pushing me over my comfort zone, and telling me brutally honest truth. Oh yeah! To every one that feels I'm too old for my age, this young balding giant is to blame. Mentor like non other. You are family now and I can't wait to mentor your daughters like we discussed.


My Anyanwuotutu...(mum) strong willed, loving, kind, prayerful.... I'm glad Daddy made her my mum! The man in her strives to keep us safe but the woman she is cries when no one is looking. I don't pray much beyond listening to Kiki and Kirk Franklin. When words fail me, like it does most times, music is all I've got. Yet He blesses me every passing second. Seems my pa is still whispering, constantly reminding Him that I'm his precious girl in need of grace. Don't stop, daddy, or your little girl is doomed! Hope I didn't disappoint you much this year, pa and ma!



I did fail this year in more ways than one but then I do not fail at the same thing twice. Life is so much less satisfying than a fiction. Time has made me stronger. Experiences left me wiser.  Behind my veil is a smile, a tear, fear, light, shadows, flight, laughter, a snare, a truth, a journey, a story, glory, shame, beauty, pain, me, more veils....!

I'll forever sing His praises because Jesus didn't let me lose my praise. My name is Ejiro, it means praise.

Our new AC

Answered prayers! Or what?
I still remember the time I prayed for what I now have!

I was not the only one with prayer points. My younger brother needed an AC badly in the house and he always prayed for it on Sundays just like he prayed for Dad to get a washing machine.

His prayer got answered. Dad ordered an AC from Konga at a very cheap price. To top his blessings It was a giant AC meant for huge halls and event centers! Hmmm! Our parlor was almost too small for it but one can't joke with answered prayers. We got it installed and we prayed that NEPA would give us light.

We waited and waited for weeks but NEPA didn't budge and the damned AC just stood there occupying space. But it was an answer to Ovo's prayers!

And on that fateful night; UP NEPA!!!! We launched our AC and went to bed earlier than usual. We both slept in the parlor of course. It got a bit cold like an hour later so I got up for my favourite wrapper; the one I got from mum who in turn inherited from grandma. I also looked around for the remote control to my brother's giant answered prayer and didn't see it? Then I thought, DID I EVER? Ermmmm.....?!

"Ovo! Ovo!!", I called to wake him up. He didn't budge and I wasn't surprised. He usually "dies" every night. I was so sleepy and couldn't afford to stand anymore. I let the unfound remote be and lay back in bed.

I woke up slowly feeling like someone had placed a load of blocks on my chest. I just could not move. What sort of witchcraft was this? I was alive but kinda dead. I could move in my mind but not physically. I blinked (thank God! At least my eyelids could move), just as my brother's eyes blinked open too. We stared at each other like long lost lovers (without the urge to jump each other's bones, of course). It then dawned on me that this was the effect of  his giant answered prayers. I pulled the wrapper higher to cover my whole body leaving only my eyes but the thin wrapper was no match to the cold.

We both lay there hoping the AC would miraculously spoil. Ovo tried to say something but no word came out of his mouth. He rolled his eyes to the left which I interpreted as "Babe, let's share your wrapper". I would have vehemently refused but the cold didn't let me. I resorted to slightly shaking my head. He pleaded with his eyes, yet I refused. He rolled his eye balls this time to the right and I wondered what that meant!

Our bodies shook like leaves during harmattan. Just when I thought I would give up the ghost, NEPA "took their light"! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

When the cold in the room had cleared a bit...

..."Babe, why you wicked like this? I begged you to put that AC off but you refused. We could have died of cold," He said with the most serious look.

"Ah ah!" I replied. "When did you say that?"

"This morning!" he answered. (Huh? When did he talk?) "I told you with my eyes to help turn off the winter in our room. Can't you read signs? Must I talk?"

Well, I did read. I only read wrong. (I too had my grievances) Besides what happened to your own legs?

"Guy, where's the remote control for this AC?" I asked

"It doesn't have!" He replied.

"Na okirika AC daddy buy?" I asked annoyingly. He was too upset to answer me.

Till the day it was sold, Ovo's answered prayer was never put on and of course, his prayer point changed!

Based on a true life story. Lol

Rat Chase

Being a child was beautiful. Those were fun times. There were ups and downs but, have no doubt that whenever I look back to how we were, I'd always end up smiling foolishly.

...and this is how we became rat hunters. We were always hungry because the cooks at home made food that tasted like poison. Mum was hardly home to cook. So The food at home was always either too soft (watery) or hard (almost raw) and since we had time, We took the hunting really seriously.


Mum bought a new deep freezer. NEPA kinda knew because that was when they chose to seize power for over a year. We unconsciously turned the freezer into a table, bookshelf and a perfect hide and seek spot. Finally, rats also saw it as a home and built their mansions in it. One could see generations of rats gathered around their tables.

It worked perfectly for us. We fed them our clothes, books and food crumbs. We would go around after mass collecting bulletins to feed our meat-to-be. And every Saturday, we would take a peek at them to see if any was 'ripe' for eating. Whew! It was mighty amazing!

It was one of those long vacations that got the house so full with cousins and family friends. We fed our rats and waited patiently for the holiday to be almost over so we could harvest and have ourselves a feast. That day finally came. As usual, Peace headed the troupe of soldiers. She dished out the rules of engagement - DO NOT KILL THE BABY RATS. YOU GET THE HEAD OF ANY RAT YOU KILL. She said it like a million times so we could understand the importance. She then sent us out to every nook and crany of the house to block all viable rat escape routes. And finally, with so much care, we pushed the deep freezer to the centre of the room then gathered around it with sticks and brooms.

Peace then pulled off the carton that covered the fridge, releasing all the rats in different directions. Gboom! Kom! Daam! Boom!....different sounds as weapons made impact with either the floor or a rat. We also added our own little screams here and there to punctuate our excitement.

....one down... five down... six down...it was a nice hunt. Just when we thought we were done for the day, the biggest of all rats in history sluggishly crawled out of the fridge. Hey! We went after it. But somehow, we all surrounded our victim and chose that tiny split of a minute that it could escape to wonder if our sticks were hard enough to kill it. And just like the Jackie Chan movies, the rat ran towards me. I lifted my stick and hit it over and over again and with every hit, my cousin, Tolu, screamed. She must be really excited, I thought. My other cousins dropped their weapons and rallied around her. I wanted to ask what was going on but the rat was more important to me. Surprisingly, the rat was nowhere to be found.

Hian! Didn't I just pound it severally? I kept wandering the whole place looking for it when Peace, pulled me by the ear towards my cousin. I screamed in pain wondering what I did wrong.

"See! See what you did!", she shouted pointing at Tolu's head
Lo and behold, her head was swollen at several points making her look like a mini dragon. I did that? How?
"Why did you hit her with your stick?", Peace screamed
Me? When? Omg! Was she the rat? My God! I really need to ask mum to get me a new pair of glasses. Poor Tolu. I was sober and sad. Jire then pressed really hard on each of the swells but that didn't help. I sat beside her and said sorry like a million times while the rest cleared the scattered house.

"I must kill the rat that caused all this ", Peace declared. Ghen ghen! She searched everywhere scattering what the rest just arranged. They didn't complain. Afterall, she is the boss and she was on a good cause. I still sat dutifully beside Tolu when Peace came back with the rat. She assured Tolu that she (Tolu) gets to eat the head and tail of the troublesome rat.

We then gathered the rats for cooking. It was a simple process. Roast to remove all the hair, butcher to remove all the intestines, spice and boil to taste and finally, fry! It was better fried with red oil than groundnut oil so as not to loose the traditional feeling (whatever that meant).

Just as we got ready to share and eat our delicacy, our neighbours arrived. Fisayo, pearls and Jemaima. Aha! In the neighborhood where I grew up, there were plenty 'tuush' people We couldn't afford to be called rat eaters so we hid the rats hoping they would leave soon so we could continue with our fun.

"I smell fried goat meat", Fisayo said
Na wa o!
"Me too", me and Jire replied like backup singers .
"We don't have goat meat. It must be the neighbours", Peace replied. "Let's play hide and seek" (all in a bid to distract Fisayo and her siblings). We all, except Fisayo, agreed.
"I still smell goat meat", she said again
We heard you the first time. Mtchew! Can you just leave the goat alone.


She quickly dashed towards the kitchen and before we could stop her, she found the plate of rat meat. She screamed and dropped the plate nearly throwing our hard labour away.
"What is this? Rat? You people eat rat? Hei!!", she screamed and screamed. To rub in her point, she ran outside and spat severally. The entourage (her siblings) joined her. She had this disgusted look on her face that made me think if truly we should eat the rat. When her drama died down, she then decided that we play hide and seek (now she wants to play?).
"Hide", I shouted and everyone ran off to hide. Before I closed my eyes to count to ten, I saw Fisayo run to the kitchen (where would she hide there? Plate, basket?).
"....eight, nine, ten! I am coming!"

I found everyone before I went after Fisayo. Hers was easy cos there was nowhere to hide in the kitchen. As I entered, she was cleaning off something from her mouth. I could have sworn it was red oil but I have a poor eyesight. I can't afford to accuse her unless I was doubly sure. Just as I screamed FOUND YOU, she said they were going and they left.

We finally sat to eat only to find Tolu's trophy gone. All eyes rested on me. I didn't eat it! I didn't eat it! Peace slapped my head severally then handed my share over to Tolu.
"I didn't eat it! I didn't...", I kept saying through tears
"You were the only one that went to the kitchen ", Peace said. I was about to say "Fisayo too" but Jire did. (thank God I wasn't the only one that saw her go into the kitchen) She then called me aside and gave me part of her share. Tolu too gave me out of her's (or mine)

Before our parents came back, we cleaned the house, took our baths and gave Tolu a face cap to wear to cover all the lumps.

Happy new month y'all!

My Crush

The day was really beautiful! Thankfully, all I've got to do was work half day (it was a public holiday; don’t know why but I'm grateful for it) after which I'll go home for a well deserved sleep!

I whistled all the way today! Passengers in the same bus with me would think I won a lottery or better still, a husband! As I got to the office, I happily said “hi” to all the walls! I was just happy jare! Why wouldn't I? Four hours! That's all I needed!

I finished in good time and stepped out to head home. And that was when I saw him!

Wow! Wow! Wow! You again! For six months, I've watched him walk past me every lunch time at the cafe. Just for tiny seconds that mean the world to me! He's handsome! Oh la la! Wish you could see me as a write this because i'm blushing down to my intestines! He's cute! His eyes reminds me of the ocean- beautiful and endless! His body, perfect (to my specs though) his touch, so warm (ehmmmm . . .that was just in my head)! All I can say is that him walking by me every day makes life perfect!

I don’t know who he is! Ghost or human, I don’t know but there he was walking towards me!

You again! My God! She's beautiful! So quiet- i think! She says 'hi' in the most tender way! So shy! She's got that aura, that simplicity! Sweetness...

And then he said “h”i and asked me where I was going! My head swelled and swirled! I told him, nervously. Woe betide the person that mistakenly wakes me up from this dream! He opened the door for me! For me! Wow! As I stepped into the car, hot breeze met me! I nearly jumped out of the car! Where did he park the car? Hell fire? Gosh! Well! A range rover sport should have an AC! If it didnt, I won't mind going through the heat for my cream dude!

I have to use the AC for this babe! Chai! I didn't plan to! The fuel in this car can barely take me home to GRA and now I have to drive all the way to BDPA to drop her! Can't believe I'm this whipped! I offered a silent prayer to God that this car won't stop us in the middle of the road and with a clenched teeth, I put on the AC.

We had not even gone half way the journey when the cold started! My thick jacket suddenly felt like chiffon. I folded my hands hoping to protect myself from the cold! For where! I argued with myself whether to tell him to turn the air condition off or not. He would think I'm a village girl! I kept my mouth shut and hoped my head won't crack like ice!!

As we made small talk, I kept looking at the fuel gauge! God please help me! It was going down in gulps! To shake off my tension, I decided to play music forgetting that the only CD in the car is Akanchewa! Worse still, the player came on on its highest volume. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her smile! Damn! That smile could make thorns look like roses. For some minutes, I forgot about the fuel draining so fast!

What the heck? Who plays Akanchewa? Inside range rover sport? Dude! Chai! Your handsome can't cover up this one! I tried so hard not to laugh out loud! I sang along though just to pretend I love his foolish taste in music. Then, the car jerked like it was about to stop! I looked at him but it was as if he didn't notice. That must have been in my head, I guess.

Dear God, save me from this mess and I'll love you forever! The fuel has finished but for some miracle, the car kept moving! I almost stopped at a filling station but there was no kobo in my pocket or bank account too! Almost there! Almost there! At least I'll park the car in the filling station! I didn't bother telling her that I wanted to buy fuel. I feared that any word I say would make the car quench and stop! I parked on a queue and asked her if she could drive. She said yes and I asked her to drive the car to the service point when its our turn so I could quickly pick some food! (Food ko! I wanted to go to Mr Biggs and pray to God for a miracle) I asked her what she wanted and she said nothing! Thank God!!!!!!

Did I just say I know how to drive? Hahahaha! Ok o! I'll soon park this car on top of the pumping machine. The only driving I ever did was running my dad's already bashed car into a tree. Hope he has insurance! Hahaha!

I sat down and thought about how stupid I was! Geez! Of all the days I chose to behave like a horny school boy, I chose today! I laughed at myself! I wondered what I'll use and pay for the fuel! Just as the attendant put the nuzzle into the fuel tank, a better part of me wanted to run out screaming STOP but haba, not with this fine babe na! I can't! I’d rather abandon my car!!

He didn't tell me how much fuel he wanted but I had 2k to spare! That was what I planned for cab. Where's he? Maybe the food he wanted was on transit. I sha paid and parked the car by the side of the wall! Someone's horn blared behind me saying I should park well! Sorry, oga, I can't do more than this! Oh! Thank God! There he comes!!

I saw her drive like she was about to leave! I rushed out before my no-money-situation turns to no-car-and-trek-home-situation. She moved over to the passenger's side and asked why I didn’t buy the food. I lied that they didn't have what I wanted! The puzzled look on her face said it all! Liar!! I asked her how much fuel she bought and she said 2k! Haha! I brought out my empty wallet like I wanted to give her the money! She asked me not to worry! My miracle finally happened.

For some reason, he became livelier! That Mr Biggs food aroma must have it effects! Good for him! An hour of sitting under the blaring AC had its own effects on me! Plenty air was in my stomach! I was uncomfortable! If I were at home, a simple loud fart would have saved the day but I was seated with a handsome dude I'm tripping for! A miracle, Lord, is all I ask! I squeezed my ass hole tight! Please don't come out now! I fear you would be loud and smelly!

Ehmmmm...I don’t know if I did something wrong but she had some stress looks on! She gave a one word reply to everything I said! I asked if she was ok and she replied with that pretty smile! Damn!!

Hold on, Nkem, you are home! He parked at my gate and we sat and talked for some minutes (or hours! E don do oga! I wan mess!) He asked me to sit tight while he opens the door for me! Wow!

My door refused to open! I tried again! This car has started again! It has this fault where all the doors jam and open only when it so pleases them! Not today, dear doors! I nervously smiled at her and she smiled back! Damn!! The only remedy would have been to wind down the window on her side and open the door from the outside but today, the window jammed too! Wow! Mine was down but the door couldn't be opened from the outside!

What the...? Not now! I have to fart! I need to fart! Please do something to your doors! Incantations! Biko! Abracadabra! Do something! I asked him to move to the back while I climb out through the window! He said he would climb out with me! Whatever dude!

She was in a huge hurry! Maybe she has a phobia for jammed doors! This window climbing is not a small something o! It took me 5 minutes to make it out! I apologised like a million times!

I couldn't possibly climb out head first! It has to be legs first! I didn't trust my ass hole to hold back this mess calamity! Heavens please! A little crowd had already built to watch! A step at a time girl! Just as I thought I've made it, I slipped and amidst screams, it came out in its full regalia very loud and clear! Right on his face! When I got my footing, I said a quick thank you and went away! I ran upstairs and peeped through the window and watched as he kicked and cursed his car! He climbed back in through the window and drove off!!
For days, I avoided going for lunch so I don't run into him.

We shared our first kiss five months, three weeks, two days and some hours later!! Lol
*winks*

I'm pregnant.

PING!!!

Junior, I'm pregnant. How do they do this abortion thing.

Junior took a while to reply. He finally did with a surprise smiley. Just answer the question damn it! How do they do this abortion thing. "When did you start having sex? I thought you were gonna wait a while eh nne? You're just 16. I could only imagine the confused and disappointed look on his face.

It's the end of the session. Thank God! We finally get to leave this shit hole called a school. I wondered how we even managed to keep our sanity staying in this cage for months. I always hated private universities. But my post UME score wasn't high enough to get me into a government school.
It took my bus 5 million years to get full after dragging my heavy boxes to the park.

I was super excited. Not just because I was living the prison yard called school, but because of Kosi. Choi! The mere sound of his name sef felt like the presence of the holy spirit. I remember the day I met him. It was on instagram; one of those mystery cute guys that send a direct message requesting to meet me. I got that all the time so there was really no biggy except for the fact that this particular cute guy (Kosi) asked for my number. The other guys usually ask for my pin. This instantly turned me on because I feel it takes a special kind of interest to make a guy ask for your number, load his phone and and call you for 20minutes. That's how long we talked when he called. " hello, I'm Kosi. You gave me your number 2 days ago on ig. Remember?" his voice was/still is the lightest male voice I've ever heard; quite girly but extremely soothing and so damn romantic. He was 26. Almost 10years my senior. That is exactly how I liked it. I always had interest in older guys. Couldn't stand guys my age anyway. I fell in love at once. I couldn't wait to tell my rommies about the latest catch.

1month and a few days later, he took some time off work to come visit me.

Aha!!! The last passenger, finally! Or so I thought. I looked at him like a Messiah as he approached the bus, shifted inside to make room for the messiah. Then he walked right passed the bus.

'madam how you dey sell your corn'

Ewo! Took me an hour to recover from that disappointment. We got on the road after another 5million years. I got to the hotel were we planned to lodge. That hotel room happens to be the creepiest and most dingy room I have ever slept in but who cares, when I was going to meet my mystery cute guy. I waited for what seemed to be forever for him to show up. I counted the ceiling severally and started imagining how the carpenters climbed to fix it, how there was this ugly art work on the table, how my small dead body could fit into the closet if Kosi turned out to be a killer, I quickly turned on my laptop before I thought up something crazier.
Finally his call came in. "Baby there's a chicken republic close to me, should I get us some food? I just got down from the bus" No thanks I replied. In my mind: 'Just bring your fine ass here already' we'd get food here. I regretted that decision because hunger almost killed me later. What was I thinking getting food from that kind of hotel.

He was everything I hoped for and more. So handsome and way taller than he looked in pictures. I was scared his lips were too big for his face but it turned out that he was just not photogenic, cos his lips were perfect. He was perfect.
I recognized him instantly when I saw him. He grinned from ear to ear showing off cute dimpled cheeks. I looked down at my toes when ever he looked at me. I decided to buy some alcohol to boost my confidence. Woke up the next morning not knowing exactly how the night went. We made out of course but I was too drunk to remember how it felt. Well we both went back home. Communication reduced after that day. It was scary but I wasn't so bothered because the hype for Kosi had dwindled. I still liked him but my feelings for him was different now.

He asked if I had seen my period on one of his calls. I replied "no". He asked a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th time. I had missed my period but I wasn't bothered at all. Why should I be? I'm a virgin. I only wondered why he kept asking. I always joked about it though until I woke up to a BBM message; someone dreamt I was pregnant. That's when the shit hit the turbine! I told Kosi, he said I should go do a test.
Damn! How do I go to a public place as small as I am and ask for a PGT?! But I didn't have sex, did he take advantage of me that night? But if he did I would know na, abi? Why was I so stupid to get drunk? My dad will disown me. Omg! Omg! Omg!

My paranoia worsened when I woke up the next morning and started throwing up. Ha! Who doesn't know that throwing up is the first sign of pregnancy. Even if you have never heard, Nkiru Sylvanus would have told you in one of her very many disgusting throw up Nollywood scenes.
I had to talk to someone. Junior is an eye doctor but he's the only one I trust with my secret. I told him everything. He said I'm probably just experiencing a delay but I should take a PGT to confirm and abortion wasn't the first thing to think of. I remembered Jesus. I prayed like Paul and Silas.

I mustered some courage to go take the test at the farthest clinic from my house to avoid running into familiar faces. In fact the clinic was in another planet. As I waited I prayed every kind of prayer. Then someone tapped me as I stood up. Oh no! Chai! Who could this be naaa! my heavenly father.
'Babe you're stained' huh? You're stained. She said again. Really? I replied with a smile ( she must have thought I was some lunatic but I couldn't care more) I ran to the bathroom. Usually this would ruin my day but I have never been happier to see my period. I was practically flaunting it sef.

I told junior the story. He laughed at me and said he was already going to name my baby Chioma.
I will never go close to the male species again, or so I thought!

Have a great weekend.

For Michael

Pop legend Michael Jackson died on June, 25th, 2009 at the age of 50. He left us forever but his outstanding contribution as an entertainer remains- his feverish songs, dance moves and ever changing image will live in most minds of the world.

In memory of Michael Jackson, one of the most charming entertainers in the last century and my personal favourite celebrity of all time, here I collected series of wallpapers mirroring his gold days of music. 

Ok Jackson Fans, hope you soak it up like a spongbub!

  

May Michael live long in our hearts.......

It rocks to be clueless

When we was younger, we were naïve. Super naïve.

We jumped into the pool and didn’t care whether we could swim or not.

We threw ourselves into the challenge not caring whether we could master it or not.

Mummy told us she would get an air plane for us on her way back from work and we believed heartily.

We was naïve, and yeah, maybe a bit reckless. But at least we had guts and went for the fun.

And then we grew up

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang

This is when the shit hit the turbine: 

Lame-ass decisions because we was playing it safe.

No more stepping into the unknown, because we “Knew better”.

Both life and work and hit the iceberg, because our so-called maturity kept us away from making unreasonable decisions – the ones you make when you are completely clueless.

A lot of our favorite role models are clueless & naïve as well. Steve Jobs thought he could make a dent in the universe with Apple. Ridley Scott

thought he could change the film industry by creating worlds no one has entered before. Or how about Richard Branson ? I believe he’s the PRIME example of

being completely clueless but going for it anyways:

He started a newspaper in his teens and had no clue about it

He entered the ultra-competitive airline biz WITHOUT knowing a damn thing about it

He launches dozens of new products and companies, not knowing whether they will succeed or not

The only difference between you and these super achievers is that they cherished cluelessness and took massive action to see what the “other side” was all about.

Being clueless is ass-kicking because it’s opening doors faster than the concierge at the 4 seasons. Here's 3 obvious reasons why i say so:

1) You don’t kill yourself with worries.

Boy, isn’t that a big one. The human species deserves triple credit for making life miserable by fearing things that usually never happen. You know the usual suspects na abi:

What if this goes wrong ?

What if I won’t make it ? What if … what if ?

All of this is…garbage.

Garbage that a clueless person doesn’t carry because worrying isn’t simply on his menu.

If you don’t know what will happen, why would you worry about it ?

Exactly.

2) You see opportunity everywhere.

Instead of saying, ehhh, that will never work, or that woman will never fall for me, you JUST GO FOR IT. Who knows what will happen ? Are you Jesus ? NO ? Good, me neither. So let’s try that new dish, act on that 

new possibility, ask that smoking burning chick OUT.

You can not predict the future. Or the next moment. (If you can, tell me how). So the only choice you got is to step into the unknown and see it for yourself.

And remember: People always regret what they didn’t do, never the brave actions they DID.

OPPORTUNITY. EVERY. WHERE.

3) You will succeed.

No matter what you set out to do, being clueless like a child will help you get it. Yep, I truly believe that. Here’s why:  

You want to go somewhere. Achieve something. You have no clue how to do it, and people (evil naysayers to be more specific) will block your way and tell you it can’t be done because of this and that, you can't get that first class in school, you can't create a million dollar biz for yourself

and bladi bladi boo.

F&¿k them. You have no clue. You have to see it yourself.

And that means taking the first step and trying new awesome things. You never back down, because the future is a shiny ocean of endless opportunities. You try this, it doesn’t work, grrreat, now you try that. What will happen ? Screw it. You don’t know, that’s why you do it. But if you take massive action, you will get massive experience, and massive experience will help you dominate anything you’d like to dominate 

4.) You're always optimistic (The belief factor)

Your faith should be more like your childhood memories of

Christmas.

Quaint, a little naïve. Remember Christmas Eve growing up. It was the

most amazing night of the whole year. Because of the stories told about christmas. It was magical and fun all the way.

Seeing the magic like a child and being optimistic really doesn't hurt anyone. You got nothing to loose but everything to gain.

While the “reasonable” person is finding stories on why he doesn’t get what would like to have, the clueless person is busy reaping the rewards because she was “dumb” enough to jump into the river of opportunities.

Get it ? You cultivate a beginner’s mind – everything’s becomes a possibility that’s WAITING to become fulfilled. Amen to that!

And with clueless I don’t mean stupid biko: Don’t throw yourself into an insane situation that could either break you or your financial life. That’s just freaking dumb. Being clueless in my sense is not about being reckless, it’s all about  being open to new and great opportunities wherever they arise.

Wrapping it all up

If you want to do things that no one else is doing, you have to think things that no one else is thinking.

embracing everything that life’s throws at you with insane gusto.

To hell with passion!

You read it everywhere: Blogs, guide books. Hell! Every kind of media you ever come in contact with tells you:

If you want to be successful at something, you HAVE to be passionate.

And I say BULL-shit !

For too long, I have believed this lie. Not only is this the most-overused word like…EVER! no, it’s also complete bullocks. If you have been told that passion will get you anywhere, and you’ve wondered why you have gotten NOWHERE, then we gotta create a new mindset which is my stuck in trade.

Here’s what I mean:

The last two months have been the MOST productive ones EVER, and I mean ever with capital E.

Because I work on the things I'm supposed to be doing everyday, 10-14 hours, get a good night sleep (sometimes no sleep at all) and start the fire all over again.

Is it because I’m so passionate ? No. It’s because I’m MAD AS HELL.

I was passionate once. I looked at my stats, and I saw that I wasn’t nearly at the level I wanted to be. I look at other people in my niche, and I see how far ahead they are, (some of my mates already have successful careers)

I see their stuff, and I scream: F&$K that.  I can do what they’re doing, and I can do it BETTER. Fire started burning in me, and I felt stronger than a thousand suns.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

My anger turned into insane productivity, and I’m achieving more in one week than I did in one month before. Not because of passion, but because I let wrath consume my body, and I’m enjoying every bit of it.

Sounds like I’m a crazy mofo, but if you look at history, you will see similar examples.

Martin Luther King didn’t start his revolution by being passionate. He didn’t wake up and say: Mmm, I don’t really like how black people get treated in this country (USA), thank god I’m so passionate – I want to change that !

Zzzzzz. That’s not how he mobilized the whole country. If you read his bio, and look at his speeches, you will see that he was mad. Mad as hell.

He was FED UP with the racism in America. He couldn’t take it anymore that black people were treated like shit, and that’s what fueled his crusade. In his last year, he was so restless friends said he could NOT relax: He jumped from one speech to another, spread his message and gathered huge, and I mean HUGE crowds. Martin Luther King was tense until his LAST breath.

Let’s face it – It’s the angry people that change the world. And who cares about changing the world – if you just want to change your world you have to accept the fact:

Balance won’t get you anywhere.

Happy, passionate “I feel so good & comfy” people don’t do SHIT. And why should they ? There’s no pressure, no tension telling them to make stuff happen. Why would you move your lazy ass if everything’s fine, not awesome, but fine ? Exactly, you wouldn’t move a finger. But if you were mad, the game would be different:

You’d say: hell, I don’t like my current situation, I HATE it, and I must change it. Only when you’re mad – when you feel that tension WITHIN you – will you move and work like crazy to achieve what you wanna achieve.

Yoda was wrong. (Yup! I said so) Anger doesn’t lead to the dark side, at least not when you’re channeling it into something constructive. Raw, vibrant anger is much stronger than passion.

So, instead of telling yourself garbage like “What am I passionate about?”, ask yourself: “What am I mad about ?” “How can I get really angry about my current life/situation/business/academic perfromance, how can I get MAD AS HELL ?” and once you’re in that energetic state, use it to get what you want and take massive action.
Now being passionate is ok but it's not nearly as productive as when your mad at a situation.

What do you fink? What’s fueling your drive ? What can you GET MAD about and just DO stuff?

HE WHO CONTROLS THE COOKIE CONTROLS THE GAME

Headsup: strong language up ahead.
Kids, please ask your parents for moral guidance ! Lol

So the question is, do men really respect Jumpoffs/easy women? Most men will tell you that the answer is no, although some may disagree. Honestly I think men “love” jumpoffs/easy women, because men like sex, but 9 times out of 10 they do not respect them enough in order to put them in the “Settle down with” category (I did my findings).

 There are some exceptions though, because some guys settle for less in order to achieve instant sexual gratification and they don’t mind dating/marrying these type of women either. However, I am not referring to those type of men in this post. So you may be wondering, what is an easy woman? Easy is throwing yourself at a man, giving it to them without them even having to put forth any effort, or just coming off as being desperate.

First, all the guys I talked to said "I wouldn’t put a jumpoff or easy woman in the “Settle down with” category because I believe there is a confidence/self esteem issue on their end. Your “boobies and butt” will not impress them that much ladies, you have to bring more to the table.

 Men who have things going for their selves along with confidence and self-worth, will not date or marry a woman who they consider easy or a jumpoff. Why? Because men do not respect things that come easy, but neither do women. Now there may be some women reading this and they may be wondering why some guys only call them to come over late night, never want to go out on dates with them or be seen in the public eye together, and only want to do things with them that relates to sex. The answer is that more than likely you are in the jumpoff category, and it is similar to a woman’s “friendzone” category, it’s hard to get out of. But anyways there are a lot of females around who believe that they can take a man away from his wife, girlfriend, or other women who he is involved with because she’s willing to give him ass quicker and easier; And according to her, her skills in bed are better than the women or woman who he is involved with. One thing that those women fail to realize is the fact that you can’t win a man over with sex. Even though you hang on the fan while you give it to him. Taking the man temporarily from his wife, girlfriend, or other women may be possible, but it will not be enough to keep them. I find it humorous when I meet a woman and she brags about how good her bedmatic skills are.

If you want a man to respect you, you have to carry yourself that way.  Most men would sleep with a woman who they know are constantly sleeping with other guys, most girls think sleeping with him will keep him. That’s a lie from the pit of hell. Sure some men may be wrapped around your fingers, but they will be wrapped around yours and other women as well.

Men respect a challenge from women. Not the phony “Playing hard to get” challenge, but a genuine challenge. A lot of women these days pretend to be a challenge, but most guys can see right through that. A female shouldn’t have to come off as stuck up, a snob, sadist, or a diva in order to be a challenge. (at least that's what I think) To most men, playing stuck up is actually a sign that your easy and using a cover up. So you may be wondering, what is a genuine challenge? To me A genuine challenge is a female who knows her worth, but does not go over board in order to prove that she does. A girl who's got a great personality. Friendly, classy, can hold an intelligent conversation, knows her self worth, confident, sexual, but not easy.


Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying being sexual or sleeping with a guy who you like is wrong. No because sleeping with a guy does not make you easy, but I am stating that men respect women who are not easy more than women who are. Sex can keep a man for a while. It's important but it's not everything. If you like do snake in the monkey shadow style, sex is just not enough to keep a man. To be respected and treated like girlfriend/wife material, carry yourself like it.

Thanks to my friends who helped me with this post by sharing their thoughts with me.

These would make you go awww....

Identical twin sisters, both delivered their babies on the same day. One had a set of twins.

 How cute.

 Note from a Stranger to a stranger.

Guess what? They're meeting each other for the first time. This is how we should be.

Shades apart; Fraternal twins. One white, one black. Born to Ghanaian mum and German dad.

This picture gets me all the time. LOL....Caption this!

 Aww Baby. You better be worth it!

One of the most romantic and thoughtful proposals I've seen

Perhaps from the nicest person on earth.

Shout out to kids of the 90's who watched rugrates. Remember their names? This show instigated my love for babies.

Only if you've seen Fast and Furious 7! If you haven't seen that movie then you belong to the looser class.

Sai Buhari....Sai my mind

Congratulations Compatriots. 2015 election has been fun all the freaking way for me by clicking on likes of people's comment and laughing my ass off at funny bbm pictures and animation (Jegaquin for Orubebetysis) lol. I enjoyed it all  Wish we can rewind it again. This is the first election in my country I'm actually aware of, (I mean I was probably too busy playing EA sports with my brother to listen to political talk in the past) but judging from people's  keenness this year, talk and what I've read I think Nigerians have never been this ardent about their vote and the result. I'm really glad about our patriotism and level of participation. I mean, seeing women in Rivers state take to the streets crying for their votes to be counted melted my heart. We are beginning to realize that the power is in our hands, and once our leaders realize this too, a lot of corruption would be cobbed. We got the power people, yeah we do. We voted GEJ out. For the first time I can say nigerians are GRADUALLY getting delivered from sentiments and tribalism. I honestly thought it won't be possible to overthrow the present government but I'm impressed and amazed at the outcome. It was true and fair.

Kudos to President Goodluck Jonathan, for great sportsmanship and taking a bow honourably. 

To GMB, hat raised for him. He's tenacity has been epic! Fought hard for today's win. Wish you a peaceful rule.

Now I think it's plain tacky that some people have carried this thing as government work. Sorry your preferred candidate didn't win but please for pete's sake stop spreading hate speeches and fear about the next government. Please stop. These are the kind of things that start wars. Whatever will be will be. No amount of billions spent and hateful campaigns and propaganda can change what has happened. Things happen sometimes against our wish. Eventually, you'll be ruled for at least 4 years by the same man you've called a bigot, terrorist, boko haram commander, cattle rearer, illiterate, etc. It could be a bitter pill to swallow but you just have to live with that...

Even the president has accepted his loss by sending his opponent congratulatory messages. So please chill. Your ranting doesn't change the price of ijebu garri. Ok? instead pray for the new president elect. Put aside religion and tribalism. Support him and the country the best way you can, after all if GEJ won your salary won't increase. Same also goes to GMB's supporters, the insults are so not necessary. Show some

respect. 

So Brace yourself peeps, a new somebody has entered the arena. The hyped General marching at full throttle. 

Stomp stomp salute! 

Alas, the price of suya will reduce. Lol. 

Sai Buhari. Sai baba. Sai one Nigeria.

PS: I'm so gonna miss Dame Patience Jonathan- *tear*. . . . 

God bless Nigeria.

Happy New Nigeria!!!

POET'S CORNER

Beautiful piece by my friend ANITA EBOIGBE. She's a terrific writer, book author, movie director. Thanks for featuring on my blog. 

And oh she's 17.....

I am African, I know but would you rather beat me for it, or hate me. How long will I continue to strangle myself, hold my parents responsible and query my God for being African? My hair is black, my skin is black, my voice thick and my neck long but it doesn't change the fact that I am strong, bold and beautiful.

Take my hair as thick strands of binding cords that binds families and nations rather than whips of self defeat. Have a vision of my skin as black gold, priceless and full of life not as charred and dead to comfort. Make my voice a sound of wisdom and confidence and not as a cry of hunger or pain. Know that my long neck is not as a result of suffering but as a tool of foresight. INFERIOR, that's not my identity, its your ideology. 

You suck.

Not just a linkbait headline. Lol...(well maybe it is) I seriously mean it though. if you are a great God fearing guy with a kick-ass career, nice ride and your peers and the ladies don’t want to lick you alive. You suck.

Now here's where I'm coming from.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…No, scratch that, it was just around my street. I met up with a charming guy who was incredible at what he did. He wasn’t good, he was finger licking fire f-awesome. And yet, he had problems attracting females, and even if he did manage to attract them he never understood why they disappeared in a twinkle. Neither did I, until we met at a cafe, and I saw him writing an email to a babe. It was the worst email I’ve ever read. He used all the wrong words, was clueless about basic human psychology, lacked empathy in dealing with a woman's  heart. He was indeed a written train wreck. Which was strange, because the guy was fun to be around (sorta).

But judging from that email writing style, i imagined being with a guy like him! That sounded as pleasant as slaving away in a Russian prison camp in Siberia. Naked. Now first of all who on earth sends emails? Is it a job interview?  What happened to phone calls or more interactive social networks like bbm, whatsapp....I mean email to a girl you intend to take out on a date, and with such scruffy and pointless content.  Arghhh. Face / palm. And there he goes: nkem "Why do most girls never reply to my mails"
Me : “Because your toasting skills  makes Grumpy Cat sound like Mother Theresa on happy pills.”

Moving on! Why are good people so freaking boring!? Sometimes I feel like resetting the brains of these so called born again people with a sledgehammer. You get so overtly spiritual and delude yourself that you don't got blood in your veins. The evil minded doosh are out there, they are so much fun and they get the attention. They know how to hook us, how to make us happy even when there's nothing to be happy about, and how to make us come back for more by Just talking.

You meet someone who's successful, a gentle man, attractive and has a great smile and, best of all, he is straight! Then you feel as though he is too good to be true as if the universe handed you Mr. Perfect on a silver platter. At the same time there's a little problem, you feel nothing romantic toward him. No freaking spark. Then you find yourself pinning over your ex who dumped you for another woman. Pathetic! This may sound familiar to many of you. cannot figure out why the nice guys bore the f&%k out of you and how you can be so incredibly attracted to the guy that does not have his life together or avoids the word committed relationship like the Swine Flu.

Brothers/sisters be spontaneous, romantic and sexy. It's not a sin. Trust me! Paste a kiss on his/her forehead or cheek once in a while (it won't hurt). Look and smell nice. Educate yourself. Ask questions about the opposite sex, read books on dating and lifestyle, Just read. Enhance your vacabs. Use happy and positive words. Everyone loves people that can make'em laugh. I don’t mean positive like “YOU’RE ZE BEST GIRL EVER” or “let’z be happy”. Lol

With positive words, I mean words that you want him/her to picture, which is trickier than it sounds, hang out with your peers. Follow the trends. (wisely) Download bbm and whatsapp and skype like every one else. Watch Tv, Open a facebook account biko. Embrace your suckyness and move from level 1 to level 2, still sucking, but at least knowing why. Only then will you re-awake your hunger to suck less.

Disclaimer : Keep in mind that I’m not a guru here. so this is a never ending learning process for everyone.
Please share this message with people you care about, and add another dating/friendship tip that helps you communicate better with the opposite sex

I want to learn as well ;)

Tiny Stories.

Here’s a selection of 10 tiny summarised love stories I searched for. Makes Me Think, warmed my heart and made me smile too. I hope they do the same for you.

1.  Today, I walked my daughter down the aisle. Ten years ago I pulled a 14 year old boy out of his mom’s fire-engulfed SUV after a serious accident. Doctors initially said he would never walk again. My daughter came with me several times to visit him at the hospital. Then she started going on her own. Today, seeing him defy the odds and smile widely, standing on his own two feet at the altar as he placed a ring on my daughter’s finger.

2. Today, when she woke up from an eleven month coma, she kissed me and said, “Thank you for being here, and telling me those beautiful stories, and never giving up on me… And yes, I will marry you."

3. Today, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on the afternoon of September 2nd 1996 about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my door and told me, “I’m pregnant.” Suddenly I felt I had a reason to live. Today she’s my wife. We’ve been happily married for 14 years. And my daughter, who is almost 15 now, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter from time to time as a reminder to be thankful – I am thankful I got a second chance at life and love.

4. Today, a woman who must have her voicebox removed due to cancer is enrolled in my sign language class. Her husband, four children, two sisters, brother, mother, father, and twelve close friends are also enrolled in the same class so they can communicate with her after she loses her ability to speak aloud.

5. Today, I am the proud mom of a blind 17-year-old boy. Although my son was born without his sense of sight, it hasn’t stopped him from being a straight A student, a guitarist (whose band just surpassed 25,000 downloads of their first album), and a loving boyfriend to his long-term girlfriend, Valerie. Just today, his younger sister asked him what he likes about Valerie, and he said, “Everything. She’s beautiful.”

6.  Today, my mother passed away after a long battle with cancer.  My best friend lives 2000 miles away and called to comfort me.  While on the phone, he asked, “What would you do if I showed up at your house and gave you the biggest hug in the world?”  “I would surely smile,” I replied.  And then he rang my doorbell.

7.  Today, my daughter accepted her boyfriend’s marriage proposal. He is 3 years older than her. They started dating when she was 14 and he was 17. I never liked the age difference when they were kids. When he turned 18 a week before she turned 15, my husband insisted they break-up. They maintained a friendship, but went on to date other people. Now at the ages of 24 and 27, I’ve never seen two people more in love.

8.  Today, I’m a mother of 2 and a grandmother of 4. At 17 I got pregnant with twins. When my boyfriend and friends found out I wasn’t going to abort them, they turned a cold shoulder to me. But I pressed forward, worked full-time while attending school, graduated high school and college, and met a guy in one of my classes who has loved my children like his own for the last 50 years.  

9.  Today, on our 10th anniversary, she handed me a suicide note she wrote when she was 22, on the exact day we met. And she said, “For all these years I didn’t want you to know how foolish and unstable I was back when we met. But even though you didn’t know, you saved me. Thank you.”

10.  Today, I sat down with my two daughters, ages 4 and 6, to explain to them that we have to move out of our 4 bedroom house and into a 1 bedroom apartment for awhile until I can find another job that pays well. My daughters looked at each other for a moment and then my youngest daughter turned to me and asked, “Are we all moving into the. apartment together?” “Yes,” I replied. “Oh, so no big deal then,” she said. 

And oh.....

HAPPY VALENTINE

St. Valentine

Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favorite activities was to
marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love. love cannot be beaten!